How to Release Your Child While Embracing Ordinary Moments

How to Release Your Child While Embracing Ordinary Moments


graduation memoriesIt was a day I hoped wouldn’t end. 
I sat on my porch swing taking in the moment.  The sun was slipping behind the trees.  The flowers were bright around me and a breeze was on my back.  The birds were singing, the cattle were walking to a cool place for shade.  Another Sunday was over, another week checked off the calendar.  A moment so predictable yet so different. 

It was the week my oldest son graduated.  Up until then things had been routine.  Ordinary days like every season we’ve walked through.  That particular Sunday my son spoke in church about the things that have influenced him…...Sunday school teachers, youth leaders, the support he and his classmates received in being part of a faith community.

Being in a small town, there’s accountability. Because if you mess up, everyone knows,” he said.  A mixed blessing, but my son declared it instrumental in helping him make choices growing up.  There’s value in everyone knowing your name.

That Sunday wasn’t the same as I sat on my front porch rocking to the low bellows of the hungry cows.  In the routine of life, somewhere my boy became a man. A man who has surrounded himself with friends who hold him accountable.  A man who values healthy choices after learning the hard way.  A man who began walking out of my life years ago as I realized I needed to release him to be the leader he is called to be.

That week we celebrated, said good-bye, and let go.

Every mother releasing her son knows it’s different than releasing a daughter. Somewhere along the way your role changes as you step aside to let him grow and figure out who he is.  There are times to step back so he can develop strength.  Times where you have to be strong and push him into the storm so he can figure out how to survive, all the while watching with a life raft ready at a moment’s notice.  Times where you must step back and let his father instruct and discipline.  Times where you still touch his cheek with a kiss because he is still a little boy inside a man-size body.  Times where the best words are, “I’m proud of you.”

This boy has been a big brother, his sister’s best friend, and a son who has held me accountable when my actions or

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 words did not match what I believed. He has been the voice of reason when needed.  In the ordinary and routine moments, he has grown into a man who is ready for the next step.

I believe raising kids for moments like these lie in the ordinary and routine, in the moments we live when we think no one is watching.  One thing this child and I know how to do is forgive, trust, and give second chances.  Important moments for us have included the words, “Will you forgive me?”

I have two more boys to raise in ordinary moments.  Six years from now, sitting on my porch swing, I will be saying good-bye to the last knight in the household.  I’m reminded to not rush these days on or to close my eyes to what is ahead.  Each child is one to be fully seen and known.

I shed tears that graduation week along with other moms and dads who celebrated the milestone of graduation.  I’m thankful for each tear of joy, sorrow, and sadness along the way.  Each one a part of the process of releasing a child to fly, lead, and grow.

Don’t miss the moments each day.  Let the wind blow on your cheek as the sun slips beyond the horizon. Read a book, sing a song.  Let your boy dazzle you with his charm or your girl snuggle in your arms. Shed a tear, laugh out love, and kiss a cheek.

And let the mundane and routine bring blessing when the last goodbye is said.

 

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Brenda has a Masters degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and a BA in education. She's a speaker, freelance writer, author, counselor and teacher who's spent two decades working with and raising teenagers. She's a mom of four, from middle school to young adult, and lives with her family on a farm in Indiana. She writes about life, faith, and parenting beyond the storybook image at Life Beyond the Picket Fence at brendayoder.com.

Brenda Yoder

Brenda has a Masters degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and a BA in education. She's a speaker, freelance writer, author, counselor and teacher who's spent two decades working with and raising teenagers. She's a mom of four, from middle school to young adult, and lives with her family on a farm in Indiana. She writes about life, faith, and parenting beyond the storybook image at Life Beyond the Picket Fence at brendayoder.com.

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