The Truth About Siblings
Which is better, one child or several? There is no right answer however I can definitely attest to the fact that the only children I know all have better hygiene skills, score higher on standardized tests and are psychologically more stable than any of mine. I have five kids and although I love them dearly there are plenty of days where I find myself dreaming of how glorious it would be to have less laundry, lower food costs and the complete absence of sibling squabbling.
Siblings don’t care about boosting their sister’s self-esteem or protecting their brother from the sting of failure and they certainly don’t give a rat’s ass about navigating the hormonal minefield that is adolescence. Oh no, siblings just wade right on into the middle of that muddled quagmire saying all of those life truths that we parents gingerly sidestep, such as:
Yeah, it was totally your fault your team lost. You suck.
Why do you look like that? Is that on purpose?
The way you breathe is super annoying. So is the way you chew and laugh.
I can’t tell if that haircut is hysterical or just plain awful. You should go into hiding for a month, at least.
That outfit makes your butt look huge or maybe, just maybe, it’s not the outfit, maybe it’s time to cool it on all those Frappuccinos.
I just read your “journal” and God, was it boring! Seriously, get a life already. Oh and stop being so pathetic, that guy is never going to ask you out.
That teacher totally hates your guts.
You. Can’t. Sing. You. Will. Never. Be. A. Famous. Singer.
Is that a pimple or a tumor on your forehead? That thing is giant! It belongs in the Guinness Book of World Records! Where is my phone? I need a picture of that.
Why are you wasting your time reading that Shakespeare crap? Don’t you know no one ever really reads that? Haven’t you ever heard of Spark Notes?
Hahahaha! How embarrassing! Of course everyone saw you fall! And believe me, tomorrow at school, they are ALL going to be talking about it.
If you EVER touch my stuff again without asking me, I will post that picture of your ginormous tumor- zit online.
Siblings are the humble makers and bullshit cutters but along with all of their seemingly never-ending tactless observations they also occasionally throw out these last two beauties,
“What did he say to you? I’ll kill him!”
“OMG, Mom and Dad are soooo weird and annoying!”
And it is these last two truths that are really the most important because they confirm that even though it doesn’t look or sound like it, your siblings actually do have your best interests at heart and like it or not, you are bonded together forever by your weird and annoying parents.
Anne Sawan is a mother, psychologist and writer. Her work has been featured on Ten to Twenty, Scary Mommy, Blunt Moms, Brain Child and Adoptive Families. She survived a childhood with eleven siblings and is now pleased to watch her own large brood peck away at one another and form their own everlasting sibling relationships. Read more of Anne’s work on her site!
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